Day 19

Day 19 - 13 May, 11:52 p.m.

Today I am trying to convince myself that I am grateful for something that scares the crap out of me. Sort of like The Secret - maybe by saying it, I will make it so.

You see, today it was pretty much confirmed that four of the nine members of my team are taking packages and will be leaving the company within the next six weeks. This includes the three most senior people, all with 30+ years a piece with the company, and my schedule building partner. There is also a pretty good chance that at least one other person will leave the department, if not the company.

Part of what makes this so scary is that all of these people have been very possessive of their knowledge of various projects and programs, so I have not been able to learn as much as I would have hoped to during my last two years in the department. And now, I have to learn it all in 6 weeks. Plus, I will still have to keep up with my regular duties, and probably help train the new people if and when we get any. Also, three of these people are the type that rarely use all their vacation days and will regularly put in 10 and 12 hour days and weekends. And I just can not live my life like that. Sure, I will put in extra hours when I need to, but I shouldn't have to need to every single day of every single week. Overall, the whole thing puts a lot of pressure on me, and I am really afraid that I can't handle it all. I tell you, my anxiety is at peak levels right now, and being sick on top of it all has not helped.

On the other hand, it could be the best thing that ever happened to me. I could come away from it all with a promotion or pay increase, since my responsibilities will likely increase. It will give me an opportunity to grow, prove myself (to myself and to others), eliminate some of those time killing processes that we continue to do because "we've always done it that way" and exercise those streamlining muscles I've been trying to flex for the last two years. This could finally be my moment.

Therefore, today...

I am grateful for new opportunities and challenges.