The (Borrowed) Experiment

A girl named Annie started a little writing assignment, which was passed on by my friend Devin, and so I thought that I could borrow the concept and play along as well.

For 30 days, you will share something you're grateful for. It could be anything - a photo, a word, a story, whatever. And then you invite your friends to do the same in the comments below and/or in their own blog.

Currently, I need to find a way to focus on the positive in my life. I also need to compel myself to blog more, so, this could help me in both respects.

And so, away we go....

Day One - 25 April, 12:29 a.m.

I am grateful for my parents.

They are the reason that I'm.......

- on this earth (the whole conceiving and birthing thing)
- still alive (they had good insurance when I was a sickly and clumsy kid)
- in this house (helped with the down payment)
- gainfully employed (paid for my education)
- not named LaRue (thanks only to Dad on that one)
- still awake at this hour (late night call from Mom to ensure all the above still applies)

(Technically, that should probably count as more than one grateful for the day, but truly, they are the big grateful in my life from which so many other gratefuls flow.)

Thanks Mom and Dad.

Midseason Premiere

Having spent the better part of the last few weeks recovering from knee surgery, spending etra time at work to make up the time missed while recovering from said surgery, and dealing with no less than 3 severe migraines in a 10 day period, most of my non-sleeping/non-working down time has taken place in front of the shiny box in my living room instead of the shiny box on my desk. Hence, no new blogs for the last week or so. But never fear – I’m back with new episodes – I mean posts.

My TiFaux (fake DirecTV DVR that is not made by TiVo) holds 100 hours of TV. Other than the added capacity, I’m really not fond of this version – I miss the “Bloop-Bloop” noise that real TiVo makes. And while real TiVo will record shows that it thinks you might like, TiFaux will sometimes unrecord things all on its own - without my asking it to and when it doesn’t need the room for other things. Somehow, I feel like it is passing judgment on me and the shows that I watch. And really, I already have Tony for that.

So anyway, I was quickly approaching the 100th hour mark on the TiFaux, so I had to get to watching some things. And so, after consuming about 40 hours of TV over the last few days, here are some random, TV related thoughts I’ve pondered and concerns I'd like to address:

1. If your network has a reality show that votes someone out weekly (like Project Runway), and you are going to present this week’s episode multiple times during the week (like Project Runway), can you please not run commercials of the next week’s show featuring prominently the person you are trying to make us think is going to be voted off at the end of this week’s show in the middle of the show? (uh-hum Project Runway.)

2. It seems that the product placement toy of choice for CIA spies (Chuck), FBI agents (Without a Trace), Time-Traveling reporters (Journeyman) and Private Investigating Vampires (Moonlight) is the iPhone. Also, while I don't have one, and therefore am not sure of the inner workings, I do wonder if previously mentioned Time-Traveler could have really gotten the main menu screen on his iPhone to appear while in 1983? Also, why does the Vampire PI keep his own name and address listed in his iPhone (under his actual name and not as "Home") so that the bad guy of the week can locate him?

3. Katherine Heigl is way, way, way overrated. Chandra Wilson and Sara Ramirez have more talent in their little toes.

4. Why do cop dramas cheap out on the props when it comes to photos of suspects or lost people? Lately, it always seems that the photo shown to ask “Have you ever seen this person?” is just a repurposed headshot. The character can be a meth addict that has lived in a box in the sewer for the last 7 years, and the photo shown by the FBI agent (now displayed on her iPhone) looks like the person took time out of their busy meth schedule, came up from the sewer, had five hours of hair and makeup done, and then went to Olan Mills. (They probably found a coupon for a package deal while dumpster diving.) But so far, nothing beats the one I just got finished watching where the criminal’s file was pulled from police records, and the mug shot was done in black and white, with the subject’s face tilted to the left to show his good side, and “NY State Prison ID #” taped over the bottom of the photo border where the actor’s name is usually found.

5. When did Pumpkin Orange become an acceptable, and apparently attractive to some, skin tone?

6. While I really enjoy The Closer, and I think Kyra Sedgewick is a wonderful actress, that fake Southern accent drives me nuts. No one from the Metro Atlanta area (which is where her character is said to be from) really sounds like that. Maybe some people from Macon or Madison might sound that way, but even then, there is a bit of put on to it. I will, however, give them credit that in the most recent episode, when Brenda went to visit her parents in Roswell, they pronounced the name of the city correctly. Unlike last season's show Vanished, set in Atlanta, where none of the characters could manage to correctly pronounce Roswell, Dekalb, or Ponce de Leon. Also, they kept calling our highways things like "The 20" or "The 285" instead of "I-20" or "The Perimeter."

7. Half of my favorite shows are imports on BBCA. So, how come whenever I go to London or Edinburgh, the only things I see on TV over there are 6 month old episodes of American TV shows like Desperate Housewives or The Simpsons? When and where do they actually show their own shows?

8. Hereos, why did you tease me last season with Christopher 'Freakin" Eccleston (Doctor Who #9) and then never let us see him again. (Never mind that his super power is invisibility - he's just not there at all.) That was kind of mean on your part. But I will forgive you just a touch for giving me David Anders (LMS Sark).

9. Kal Penn sounds more like the name of a college or a prison, rather than the name of a person.
10. I really hate Saleisha’s make-over haircut on ANTM. When they dressed the girls up as plants and flowers for one photo shoot, I felt sure that they would have her be a mushroom – I mean, what else was there for her to be with that haircut? Since we are down to the final four this week, I'm hoping for a photo shoot with the girls dressed as the four main characters from Facts of Life, since Saleisha is looking pretty Tootie-licous with that hairdo.

11. I enjoyed seeing all the Buffy Alum as guest stars on various shows last week. I got Spike on Without a Trace, Xander on Criminal Minds, and Oz on Grey's Anatomy, all in the same week. (Also loved finding out that Roy from The Office played the demon Skip on Angel.)

12. While I've never really watched Dancing with the Stars, that doesn't mean that I don't have an opinion. It has occurred to me that the female ‘stars’ of DwtS are at a distinct disadvantage. I think that there have been about 5 or 6 seasons of this show and a woman only won once (and that was protested because the public liked the man star better, so they had a rematch and reawarded the tacky prize to the him.) But as they say about Ginger Rogers, she did everything Fred Astaire did, just backwards and in high heels. Therefore, the female celebrities must work twice as hard as the male celebrities in learning the dances. And people are more likely to notice if the female messes up, so that means that she is sort of being judged up against the female professional dancer rather than the male celebrity.

13. I wish that sometimes, on The View, that they would actually read the whole news story and remember the details before putting it up for discussion in the Hot Topics. Today they brought up Jennifer Love Hewitt being angry in relation to a photo taken of her in a bikini while on vacation. Right away, without taking a moment to even learn the details of what occurred, Whoopi started in on the whole, "You are a celeb, that's part of the deal, live with it you idiot" rant which would apply to some, but not in this case. The actual issue was regarding JLove being appalled that the media and bloggers were calling her fat because she is a freakin size 2 instead of a size 0. So, she actually had a point about how there is something messed up with that. (and somehow, in the midst of the discussion of JLove's ass, Joy still managed to somehow segue to her daily "I hate George Bush and/or the Republicans" comment.)

14. If you take all of the HD-friendly, brightly colored scenery shots, the lengthy bits featuring the lab techs snipping the ends off of Q-Tips and putting them in the spinners to music, and the overly emotional montage done to a plaintive song by the emo band of the month out of CSI:Miami, the whole show - plot and dialogue - would last about 7 minutes. And 4 of those minutes would be David Caruso saying. something. really. slow. and. emotion. less. and. then..........................taking. his. sunglasses. off.

15. The only thing funnier than watching SNL or MadTV spoofing the excitement of an Oprah audience is watching the real thing. Oprah had her Favorite Things episode recently, and I thought I would fall out of my chair laughing at the woman doing the Hands in the air, Palms up, Praise the Lord over the $18.00 William Sonoma Measuring Cups (They also come in REEEEEEDDDD - Thank you Jesus!)

This list could go on forever (40 hours of TV people!) but I think I'll stop for now. I need my rest. But stay tuned for more JoniBlog after these messages.

I'm still thankful...

Still not feeling up to writing, so I'm rerunning a post from a previous blog of things that I'm thankful for. This was originally posted in 2005, and I find that all the items still apply (with just a couple of itty bitty edits.

In the spirit of the holiday, I felt it was necessary to give share the things I'm thankful for, as opposed to bitching and moaning, which is what I really strive to do each Thursday. And Friday. And, well, you get the idea.

Now obviously, I am thankful for the normal things. I'm one of those weird people that actually gets along with my family (well, immediate family - parents, brother, sister-in-law, nephew, niece, an aunt, uncle and a few random cousins anyway.) I have some great friends including one that I know without a doubt would go to the mat for me and possible break the law with no questions asked if I needed him to. I have a job, a home, my health - a lot of things to be thankful for.

But, instead of going with the obvious things, I'd much rather share some random things I'm thankful for. So here we go with the Top 10. Or somesuch.

1. TiVo - Those of you that have it completely understand. Those of you that don't - it's 2007*. Get with the program.

2. Fake Keds Tennis Shoes from Walmart - Only $3.00 and they don't give me blisters like the real Keds do at 10 times the price. And at that price, I can buy them in bulk and never have to worry about walking in the mud.

3.

4. Old Family Recipes Passed Down Through the Generations - When my Dad's mother passed away, each granddaughter was left with a recipe. I inherited Sweet Potato Casserole. I really think this is the only reason my family still invites me to Thanksgiving lunch. Another great family recipe is my mother's banana pudding. It is one of those things that is too good for words. I hope my niece will be able to do justice to it when it is passed down to her.

5. Jersey Sheets - They keep you warm in the winter, aren't too hot in the summer and just get softer and softer each time you wash them. To Hell with 5,000 thread count, silk or whatever is the trend this week, I can't sleep on anything else.

6. Joss Whedon - The man created my favorite TV show of all time. And a pretty good spin off from it as well. Now, I'd be really extra thankful if he'd get off his but and write that Spike movie he keeps promising.

7. BR's Rum Cake - You know how when you scratch a dog in just the right place and their leg starts thumping? That's what happens to me when I have the first bite of my friend's rum cake. Maybe it is because I can't drink alcohol, so this is the only taste I ever get. Maybe it is because he always seems to serve it fresh from the oven while it is still warm. Could even be the hard yet gooey crust. Whatever it is, I just know I want some more. Now. Please.

8. Television Without Pity - Who knew people could make a living being snarky about their favorite TV shows? Me and my friends have been doing it for free for years now. Their recaps are so much fun that I find myself reading recaps of shows I don't even watch just for an extra laugh.

9. My Long Sleeved Gray Knit Shirt - My most comfortable piece of clothing. I would wear it every day if I could. I'm almost depressed about losing so much weight because the shirt is getting seriously too big. But maybe if I lose enough weight, I can get it cut down into two separate shirts and wear it twice as much. (ETA that the shirt is now about 8 sizes too large for me, but I still sleep in it sometimes. and I still love it.)

10. Spell Checker - Without this beautiful feature, most people would probably think I was stupid. Of course, what would really make me thankful would be a "What I really meant to type" checker. With that option, people wouldn't be left to wonder how my shorts could have long sleeves, why my family passed down our receipts, and why I sleep on jersey .... well, you get the idea.

Thanksgiving Rules

A friend recently forwarded one of those jokey lists of Thanksgiving Rules that usually goes around this time of year. Things like, 'Don't hold up the line by asking "Who made this?"' or "The prayer should last no longer than 1 minute." It was kind of funny and I could relate to a few of them. But it got me thinking about Thanksgivings Past with my extended family on my mother's side (people whom, for the most part, I'm most thankful that I will never ever have to spend another Thanksgiving with again), and I knew that I could come up with my own list, which I've shared below.

1. Only 10% of the words in your prayer can be “Lord”, “God”, “Father” or “Jesus.” Any more than that will trigger an electrical current attached to your chair that will shock the BeJesus (or BeLord) out of you. (This rule due to my holy-roller/hypocrite cousin's penchant for prayers that go like this – “Lord, today Lord, we just, Lord, want to Lord, thank you Lord, for all the things, Lord, that you, Lord, have given us, Lord. And Lord, um, Lord, we appreciate, Lord, this food, Lord, that you, Lord, have given us Lord…….etc, etc. for 15 minutes.)

2. Once at least one of the following is applicable to you or your life - you are over 30, have a job, own a home, are married, and/or have children - you can no longer show up with one 2-litre bottle of Kroger brand cola (with the Buy 1, Get 1 Free sticker still affixed) as your only offering to the potluck dinner based on the excuse that you are still 'one of the kids' and either don’t know how to cook or can't afford anything more.

3. Bringing empty Cool Whip containers to take away left-overs does not constitute bringing a ‘dish.’


4. While you should not hold up the line by questioning every dish with a "Who made this" or "What's in that?" it is still acceptable to discretely ask which dish crazy aunt Bess* brought, because crazy aunt Bess is known for mixing whatever is just past expiring in her pantry and crisper all together in a Pyrex dish and throwing cheese over the top and calling it "Aunt Bess's Casserole Surprise". (The surprise usually being E coli or Salmonella.) *name changed to protect the recently departed.

5. Just because you don’t like dark meat, does not mean that no one else does either, so do not think for a moment that it is OK for you to take the entire left over turkey leg home with you to give to your dog.

6. On the flip side, do not assume that you are the only one that likes dark meat either, and take the whole turkey leg as your serving. This ain’t the Renaissance Faire, and while you might look like it from the rear, you ain’t Henry VIII.


7. When hitting up elderly relatives for loans during the meal, remember that it is in poor taste to stop making regular payments to them in anticipation of their death if they are hospitalized at anytime prior to repayment of said loan.

8. If you are going to bad mouth other relatives on the ride over to dinner, please instruct your children not to repeat the comments to said relative’s children when playing out in the yard, unless you are fully prepared to get over it when the child of the badmouthed relative punches your kid in the mouth for saying that their Daddy was always a big baby because he cried in the middle of the night the first time that he spent the night at your house when he was 4 years old. (And by the way, anyone that would make fun of a four year old for being scared in a strange place was assuredly a big enough ass - even at the age of 7 - that a child of any age, and probably most adults, would have cried if forced to spend the night at your house.)

9. If the driveway is wide enough to park two vehicles, then pick a side. Do not park in the middle of the driveway, almost at the end, so that all the others that arrive after you are forced to park in the street and carry all their food up the long driveway (especially since they all actually bring multiple food items to share and not just a two-litre bottle of Kroger brand cola.) Also, if you know that you will be leaving early to go visit your 4th husband/live-in boyfriend's family (where you will undoubtedly take the other Buy 1, Get 1 Free Kroger brand cola as your 'dish'), go on and park in the street and not in the front parking spot where it will require everyone who arrived after you to have to get up and go outside to move their cars for you to get out, just as they are ready to sit down to eat or watch the ballgame.

10. If all the football fans are gathered in a room watching the game, and other, non-football watching people are in another room, it is not OK to come into the non-football room and turn on the TV to the same damn game that is being viewed in the other room and then turning up the volume in an effort to drown out the talk of the others. Go in the other room with the football people.

So there it is - Hope you enjoy.

And hope that you (all 3 of you) have a Happy Thanksgiving.