Midseason Premiere

Having spent the better part of the last few weeks recovering from knee surgery, spending etra time at work to make up the time missed while recovering from said surgery, and dealing with no less than 3 severe migraines in a 10 day period, most of my non-sleeping/non-working down time has taken place in front of the shiny box in my living room instead of the shiny box on my desk. Hence, no new blogs for the last week or so. But never fear – I’m back with new episodes – I mean posts.

My TiFaux (fake DirecTV DVR that is not made by TiVo) holds 100 hours of TV. Other than the added capacity, I’m really not fond of this version – I miss the “Bloop-Bloop” noise that real TiVo makes. And while real TiVo will record shows that it thinks you might like, TiFaux will sometimes unrecord things all on its own - without my asking it to and when it doesn’t need the room for other things. Somehow, I feel like it is passing judgment on me and the shows that I watch. And really, I already have Tony for that.

So anyway, I was quickly approaching the 100th hour mark on the TiFaux, so I had to get to watching some things. And so, after consuming about 40 hours of TV over the last few days, here are some random, TV related thoughts I’ve pondered and concerns I'd like to address:

1. If your network has a reality show that votes someone out weekly (like Project Runway), and you are going to present this week’s episode multiple times during the week (like Project Runway), can you please not run commercials of the next week’s show featuring prominently the person you are trying to make us think is going to be voted off at the end of this week’s show in the middle of the show? (uh-hum Project Runway.)

2. It seems that the product placement toy of choice for CIA spies (Chuck), FBI agents (Without a Trace), Time-Traveling reporters (Journeyman) and Private Investigating Vampires (Moonlight) is the iPhone. Also, while I don't have one, and therefore am not sure of the inner workings, I do wonder if previously mentioned Time-Traveler could have really gotten the main menu screen on his iPhone to appear while in 1983? Also, why does the Vampire PI keep his own name and address listed in his iPhone (under his actual name and not as "Home") so that the bad guy of the week can locate him?

3. Katherine Heigl is way, way, way overrated. Chandra Wilson and Sara Ramirez have more talent in their little toes.

4. Why do cop dramas cheap out on the props when it comes to photos of suspects or lost people? Lately, it always seems that the photo shown to ask “Have you ever seen this person?” is just a repurposed headshot. The character can be a meth addict that has lived in a box in the sewer for the last 7 years, and the photo shown by the FBI agent (now displayed on her iPhone) looks like the person took time out of their busy meth schedule, came up from the sewer, had five hours of hair and makeup done, and then went to Olan Mills. (They probably found a coupon for a package deal while dumpster diving.) But so far, nothing beats the one I just got finished watching where the criminal’s file was pulled from police records, and the mug shot was done in black and white, with the subject’s face tilted to the left to show his good side, and “NY State Prison ID #” taped over the bottom of the photo border where the actor’s name is usually found.

5. When did Pumpkin Orange become an acceptable, and apparently attractive to some, skin tone?

6. While I really enjoy The Closer, and I think Kyra Sedgewick is a wonderful actress, that fake Southern accent drives me nuts. No one from the Metro Atlanta area (which is where her character is said to be from) really sounds like that. Maybe some people from Macon or Madison might sound that way, but even then, there is a bit of put on to it. I will, however, give them credit that in the most recent episode, when Brenda went to visit her parents in Roswell, they pronounced the name of the city correctly. Unlike last season's show Vanished, set in Atlanta, where none of the characters could manage to correctly pronounce Roswell, Dekalb, or Ponce de Leon. Also, they kept calling our highways things like "The 20" or "The 285" instead of "I-20" or "The Perimeter."

7. Half of my favorite shows are imports on BBCA. So, how come whenever I go to London or Edinburgh, the only things I see on TV over there are 6 month old episodes of American TV shows like Desperate Housewives or The Simpsons? When and where do they actually show their own shows?

8. Hereos, why did you tease me last season with Christopher 'Freakin" Eccleston (Doctor Who #9) and then never let us see him again. (Never mind that his super power is invisibility - he's just not there at all.) That was kind of mean on your part. But I will forgive you just a touch for giving me David Anders (LMS Sark).

9. Kal Penn sounds more like the name of a college or a prison, rather than the name of a person.
10. I really hate Saleisha’s make-over haircut on ANTM. When they dressed the girls up as plants and flowers for one photo shoot, I felt sure that they would have her be a mushroom – I mean, what else was there for her to be with that haircut? Since we are down to the final four this week, I'm hoping for a photo shoot with the girls dressed as the four main characters from Facts of Life, since Saleisha is looking pretty Tootie-licous with that hairdo.

11. I enjoyed seeing all the Buffy Alum as guest stars on various shows last week. I got Spike on Without a Trace, Xander on Criminal Minds, and Oz on Grey's Anatomy, all in the same week. (Also loved finding out that Roy from The Office played the demon Skip on Angel.)

12. While I've never really watched Dancing with the Stars, that doesn't mean that I don't have an opinion. It has occurred to me that the female ‘stars’ of DwtS are at a distinct disadvantage. I think that there have been about 5 or 6 seasons of this show and a woman only won once (and that was protested because the public liked the man star better, so they had a rematch and reawarded the tacky prize to the him.) But as they say about Ginger Rogers, she did everything Fred Astaire did, just backwards and in high heels. Therefore, the female celebrities must work twice as hard as the male celebrities in learning the dances. And people are more likely to notice if the female messes up, so that means that she is sort of being judged up against the female professional dancer rather than the male celebrity.

13. I wish that sometimes, on The View, that they would actually read the whole news story and remember the details before putting it up for discussion in the Hot Topics. Today they brought up Jennifer Love Hewitt being angry in relation to a photo taken of her in a bikini while on vacation. Right away, without taking a moment to even learn the details of what occurred, Whoopi started in on the whole, "You are a celeb, that's part of the deal, live with it you idiot" rant which would apply to some, but not in this case. The actual issue was regarding JLove being appalled that the media and bloggers were calling her fat because she is a freakin size 2 instead of a size 0. So, she actually had a point about how there is something messed up with that. (and somehow, in the midst of the discussion of JLove's ass, Joy still managed to somehow segue to her daily "I hate George Bush and/or the Republicans" comment.)

14. If you take all of the HD-friendly, brightly colored scenery shots, the lengthy bits featuring the lab techs snipping the ends off of Q-Tips and putting them in the spinners to music, and the overly emotional montage done to a plaintive song by the emo band of the month out of CSI:Miami, the whole show - plot and dialogue - would last about 7 minutes. And 4 of those minutes would be David Caruso saying. something. really. slow. and. emotion. less. and. then..........................taking. his. sunglasses. off.

15. The only thing funnier than watching SNL or MadTV spoofing the excitement of an Oprah audience is watching the real thing. Oprah had her Favorite Things episode recently, and I thought I would fall out of my chair laughing at the woman doing the Hands in the air, Palms up, Praise the Lord over the $18.00 William Sonoma Measuring Cups (They also come in REEEEEEDDDD - Thank you Jesus!)

This list could go on forever (40 hours of TV people!) but I think I'll stop for now. I need my rest. But stay tuned for more JoniBlog after these messages.